I’m the type of girl who has always dreamed of getting married. I have a wedding board on Pinterest and the names of my kids are picked out and ready to go. The thought of one day becoming a wife and eventually a mother, has been a thought that’s consumed me since I was 17 years old. It makes me so happy to think about what my future family will look like. And I can’t help but imagine all the different stages of life that we’ll be able to walk through together. Though I’d like to believe that these days are fast approaching, the reality is I’m twenty-one… and single.
Over the past few years, my excitement for the future was at an all-time high. The thought of becoming a wife had me mesmerized. So much so, that it got to the point where I felt overwhelmed and defeated by my singleness. I so desperately wanted to be married that it hindered my ability to enjoy this present stage in my life. Then about three weeks ago while I was watching a sermon by Ps. John Gray, he said something that completely changed the way I looked at my situation. He said, “marriage doesn’t make a woman a wife”. Now I know that this goes against social norms, so let me explain.
Pastor John was referencing Proverbs 18:22 which reads, “he who finds a wife, finds what is good and receives favour from the Lord”. Interpreting the scripture word for word, he suggested that a woman is already a wife before she even meets her husband; as it is written he who FINDS a wife. This thought-provoking idea inspired me to uncover for myself what it truly means to be a wife. And after having contemplated it for a while, I developed the concept of The Single Wife.
I believe that it’s time for us as single Christian women to stop wasting our singleness! How lucky are we, that we get to spend countless hours of uninterrupted time with our Saviour. Without the distractions of boyfriends, husbands or kids. That’s not to say that those who find themselves in these seasons of life can’t spend time with Jesus. However, there are responsibilities that these women possess that we as single women simply don’t have to worry about. And so, with that in mind I’ve developed a list of four points that I believe will help us to make the most of our singleness and embrace the single wife life.
1. Stop striving to be a Proverbs 31 Women
Proverbs 31 is a great guideline for us to follow. However, when we begin to strive and focus our energy on meeting all of its requirements, we lose sight of the main point: Jesus.
I believe the key is to strive less and seek more.
Striving means to struggle and to try extremely hard in order to obtain something. Seeking, on the other hand means to search or ask for something so that you may receive it. If we are to be consistently seeking Jesus, He will cultivate within us characteristics found within Proverbs 31. We don’t need to strive out of our own effort but rather seek the One who will enable us to embody what it means to be an honourable woman of God.
2. Take time for self-reflection
Be honest with yourself and set aside time to evaluate where you currently are in life and where you’re headed. Create goals with realistic timelines as well as step-by-step action plans that will allow you to accomplish those goals. Make a list of the qualities you believe a wife should have. Next, truthfully consider the qualities you may not yet posses. Then create strategies for how you can go about developing them.
3. Emulate the characteristics you hope to find in your husband
Think about the traits that you want your husband to have and see if you possess them yourself. For example, I want my husband to be clean, organized, a good cook, rooted in the Word and take his physical health seriously. When I looked at those traits in comparison to my own life, it was evident that these areas weren’t priorities to me. That being said, I have recently taken the steps to be intentional about developing these abilities for myself. Why? Because, if I want my husband to have these various traits, he may also want to find these traits in his wife.
4. Spend time in God’s presence
This is easily the most important point when it comes to making the most of our singleness. Whether it be reading your Bible, going to church, serving in a ministry, listening to worship music or watching a sermon etc., I believe that it’s important that we are constantly immersing ourselves in God’s presence. Besides, the more time we spend with our Saviour, the less time we’ll have to worry about meeting the man we’ll spend the rest of our lives with.
What do you think about the concept of the single wife?